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by Jan Cadieux, M.Ed.
Do you have fantasies of winning a lottery and living on a
tropical beach,
Over the years I've worked hard to be a good wife and mom - participating in school events, growing veggies and cooking nutritious meals, returning to university and taking on a new career, organizing the house and trying to keep it clean and tidy. The chores seemed endless in my role as Supermom. Of course before the end of the day I was frazzled and you can imagine what a joy I was at supper, especially with a several hours work left to do! The solution to my over-work was to talk the rest of the family into working harder. Supermom was not very popular.
Finding the right balance between Superwoman and the Beach bum is a challenge. In saner moments I know the "beach bum" fantasy would be fun for a month, or maybe three, before feeling that my life was definitely lacking.
Thank goodness the years bring a little wisdom. The quarter-acre organic garden has shrunk to half a dozen tomato plants! I no longer feel I have to prepare three meals a day, and keep a house where you could eat off the floors. I've organized with my family to share cooking and house cleaning jobs, but there's always a new challenge!
A business associate recently complained about the stress he suffered because he was kept waiting for me to call, "Why don't you have call alert!"
I explained that I have call answering but he didn't sound appeased. I laughed at the thought of introducing more interruptions into my life! Yet I remember saying that I'd never buy a fax, an answering machine or a microwave... Now I'd complain loudly if any of these "essentials" went on the fritz. The only thing we can count on in our society is change!
Adapting to change is often negatively referred to as stress. But having a baby is stressful, and even planning and taking a holiday involves change and therefore stress. lf we eliminated all changes from our Iives, we would probably complain that the dullness was driving us crazy. The point is we can't eliminate change, some of it is positive. How can we adapt so that stress is a healthy part of our lives?
What we commonly refer to as stress, feeling overworked or rushed with a headache, tenseness in the shoulders and back or mental confusion, is actually our body signaling to us that it feels distress. If our bodies didn't send a distress signal, we'd probably keep working like robots until we collapsed. Some of us do push ourselves until we end up sick or even in the hospital.
We could view our bodies' signals as a positive signal, as an opportunity to do a course correction, or balance correction, rather than getting sick. The more attuned we are to these distress signals, the more quickly we can do a course correction like slowing down or taking a break and the happier and healthier we'll be. I believe the best approach to making stress work for us includes a supportive attitude, a life vision, a little help from our friends and FLEXIBILITY.
If you believe that you can choose how stress affects you, this supportive attitude will help to lift you above your stress. Saying things like, "My job is too stressful, my kids are too much to handle, my spouse isn't supportive enough" makes us feel like victims with no control over our happiness. This doesn't mean being unrealistic, but maintaining hope. The movie, Life is Beautiful, is a wonderful example of maintaining hope and spirit in what most of us would consider a hopeless situation.
Your life vision is the what you value more than anything else in your life. A vision which fits with your values and under which your smaller goals fit, gives life meaning and direction. When we lose sight of our vision, or don't make them concrete , it's easy to become scattered or
lost in a maze of ideas. When we let lower level goals or "T.V. goals", such as sex appeal, power, money, etc., intrude, we lose our focus and increase the stress in our lives trying to serve too many masters. Trying to find balance in our lives becomes precarious.Maintaining a focus on our life vision and healthy balance between work, family and play all on our own is unrealistic. Even Mother Theresa had many supporters including the church. It helps to have a little help from our friends. But how is this possible when our friends are just as busy as we are? If you find that you are over burdening friends with your concerns, spending too long on the phone with them, consider joining a support group or starting your own. More on support groups in the next article.
If you would like professional help in finding balance in your life or clarifying your vision, send an email note to:
Jan Cadieux Jan@JanCadieux.com
I can't guarantee that I can make your life beautiful, but together we can proceed in that direction!
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